22 Things I’d Rather Do Than Experience Another 90 Degree September Day in Alabama

Today is September 15; we are literally one week away from the official start of autumn. I should be wearing a cardigan and boots and gallivanting in a pile of multi-colored leaves while sipping a pumpkin-spiced whatnot, but NO. It's the middle of September, and it's still 90 degrees outside. This is garbage. It is the worst, and there is no alternative to this to which I am opposed. In fact, here are 22 things I'd rather do than experience another 90+ degree September day in Alabama.

1. Be stuck on a coach flight between two screaming babies
2. Make out with Lee Corso
3. Get stung by any number of bees, hornets, and/or wasps
4. Go to an Auburn game
5. Go to an Auburn game at Jordan-Hare
6. Wear a turtleneck sweater made of really scratchy yarn
7. Help someone move
8. Watch another episode of Elana of Avalor with my kid
9. Listen to Ryan Lochte try to read James Joyce's Ulysses
10. Try to check my email in a place that has really spotty wi-fi
11. Watch someone eat a piece of strawberry cake from Edgar's knowing I can't have any
12. Drive on McFarland Boulevard during rush hour
13. (who am I kidding?) Drive on McFarland Boulevard at any point of the day
14. Go to Sephora and not buy or swatch a single thing
15. Eat boiled peanuts
16. Get punched in the face
17. Go to my high school reunion in only a bikini (the horror!)
18. Touch Donald Drumpf's hairpiece
19. Eat raw brussels sprouts
20. Cancel my Netflix account
21. Watch Steel Magnolias without any Kleenex so I get really weepy and snotty and have nothing to calm my ugly cry
22. Walk barefoot over 500 Legos