Our Tuscaloosa Townsquare Media Christmas Party is being held this Thursday Evening, Therefore, I figured that now was a good time to share my tips on how to survive YOUR Office Christmas Party. These are in no particular order of importance.

10) SHOW UP: Yes, even if you don’t really socialize with most people at work outside of the office, it’s not a good idea to blow off the company party. Politically, it’s not a good move. You work with these people, the least you can do is show up, and make an effort to smooze. You don’t have to stay the whole time. Plus, the Food is FREE, and it’s an OPEN Bar! So, come get you some, Baby!

9) SOCIALIZE WITH EVERYONE: Remember, You must be SEEN. So, walk around the room once, and say “Hi” to everybody. Even if you don’t like them, or don’t really know them. Generic phrases always work:“Good To See You!”, “What A Nice Place This Is!”, “Have You Tried The Spinach Dip?”, “Are We Getting A Christmas Bonus This Year?”, And of course, “Roll Tide!”  However, if I DO like the people I spot, I’ll engage in conversation by using ALL those phrases in a row, and then quickly move on to my next set of co-workers….

8) DRESS APPROPRIATELY: Ladies, you’re headed to an Office Party, you’re NOT going out to The Club, so there’s no need to dress like an 18 year-old Hoochie…..unless you’re Mariah Carey, of course.

7) DON’T HIT ON ANY CO-WORKERS AT THE PARTY: Just because you’re getting a little liquored up, and you realize that a certain co-worker might be into you, DON’T make any moves on them while you’re at the party. Remember, you have to work with these people the next day. Plus, there are other people watching and you might be the topic of office gossip. Instead, wait until the party is over, take your conversation to ANOTHER location,(like a restaurant, a club, or your place), and THEN let nature take it’s course:-)

6) DON’T ASK THE BOSS FOR A RAISE:This is not the time nor place to hit up your Boss for more money. Remember, he’s trying to enjoy himself, too. Therefore, let him have a good time. THEN, take pictures with your smart phone, call a meeting for the next day, and then, and only then, threaten to BLACKMAIL him if he doesn’t give you the raise that you want!

5) SAVE SOME FOOD FOR EVERYONE ELSE: Just because the food is FREE doesn’t mean that you’re at The Chinese Buffet and you’re trying to eat your $7.99 money’s worth! So, EASY on the plate portions. Then, while no one is looking, get a To-Go Box from The Caterer and STUFF as much food as you can into that box while everyone is off in the other room singing Christmas Carols.

4) SAVE SOME LIQUOR FOR EVERYONE ELSE: No need to get PLASTERED at the party. Drink in moderation. Besides, you have to work with these people tomorrow. And by the way, you WILL be at work tomorrow, because you don’t want to call in sick, and then have everyone at work calling you a “Lightweight”.

3) DON’T TALK ABOUT WORK: We know your job is the most important job in the building, and we also know that you’re over-worked and underpaid, because you tell us that ALL DAY LONG AT WORK! No need to hear it while people are trying to have a pleasant time. So, please stop it right now! Besides, save it for work tomorrow, where you can tell us ALL OVER AGAIN! 

2) LEAVE THE MISTLETOE AT HOME: Seriously, NOBODY wants to kiss you in the real world. So, what makes you think that holding a tiny, green, plant over your head is going to suddenly get you some “Lip Action”? Cut It Out!

1) HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN: When you reach a point in the evening where you simply GOTTA GET OUT OF THERE, just pull out your phone, excuse yourself from whatever conversation you’re trying to put an end to, hold the phone to your ear, and start LOUDLY saying things like, “You’ve Run Out Of Gas?!”“The House Is  On Fire?!”, or, “You Fell And You Think You Broke Your Arm?!” Then, say, “I apologize, but I have an EMERGENCY I have to attend to!”, and then quickly RUN out of the room! Your co-workers will completely understand, UNLESS this is the FIFTH year in row that you’ve pulled off this ploy……